Bess in the Singular {+ Misadventures in Online Dating}

It's no surprise around here, I'm single. I mean really, really single. I mean - oh, yeah, I guess you get the point. I've pretty much always been solo in the world's eyes, but God's always with me so I'm never really alone - really. 

 I remember the 1st time this guy {9-10 years my senior & not a Christian} whispered in my ear that he "wanted to be my boyfriend," & I gave my timeless answer of "get in line" - to which, he responded, "I was here first," which gave me a cringing creepy feeling of being viewed as real estate or the prime spot in a McDonald's drive thru line {or something}. Needless to say, I remained in my single status, despite his, um, boyfriend declaration. 

 This past February {several years after the above atheistic fellow (Why do I seem to attract the Charles Darwin type?)}, snow days hit hard & I found myself going stir crazy. In said craziness, I did something I had said I would never do: I signed up for a free trial on a Christian dating website {I blame the deadly combination of cabin fever paired with the swift approach of Feb. 14th}. {NOTE: It's not that I think anything's wrong with online dating, per-say; in fact, I've seen some great godly married couples {& sweet bouncing babies} come out of it - I just didn't think it was for me.} Meanwhile back at the ranch {apt.}, a guy who lived about an hour away started e-mailing me through this dating site thingamajig. Before I knew it {within days/before I returned to work from my snow days}, he proposed that we meet! Say what!? Okay, so it made me a crazy nervous lunatic as I prayed he wasn't one & questioned why I had agreed to such a thing! The "date" was set for the day after Valentine's. He would drive down & meet me at a coffee shop. He even offered that I bring a friend, if that would make me more comfortable. I opted to come on my own, but I had done my Nancy-Drew-like detective work beforehand {Googled him & found his Facebook profile} & alerted some folks of my planned whereabouts for the day & this guy's name. Plus, the cup-o'-overpriced-Joe rendezvous place was not only tiny, but always bustling {&, above all, this girl had her God with her every shaky step}. 

 So, somehow, on Feb. 15th {my blogoversary, actually} I got all dolled up & forced myself to get in the car & drive... oh, & to not veer off the bridge into the water. {Did I mention, I was a nervous butterfly-infested fraidy girl?} To make a long story short-er, it was uber awkward at the start {&, really, most of the way through}. After minimal conversation in the coffee shop {where it felt like amused eyes were watching as they sipped their lattes at tables nearby}, I suggest we head to a nearby park. We drive separately & meet back up to walk around the paths. More awkward-ness, but I {at least} begin to feel better now that there's room to breathe & talk freely {without overly caffeinated prying eyes & ears}. He was definitely a nice guy, but I didn't feel like he was the one for me. I threw out what I thought were funny jokes that only seemed to scare the poor fellow - I guess he didn't appreciate me saying that the guy with the tinted windows who circled the parking lot twice as we stood by our cars talking, was an ex-marine sharp-shooter whom I hired for the afternoon. I thought it was pretty funny. And, no I didn't {hire anyone, that is - they did it for free (just kidding - mere handy coincidence)}. I, in turn, didn't laugh when he pointed out a bit of leafy green in an otherwise bare tree. He asked, completely innocently, as we walked under it what it was. Was he kidding? He sounded sincere. I managed something to the effect of, "You know what that is. It's mistletoe." I then proceed to say, "Just pretend you never saw it," all mock-serious like. Not even a hint of a smile on his part. La te da! 

 I've had several misadventures in my day {& more to come, I'm sure}, but I've learned that this life is not to be put on hold until everything falls into place {I don't believe it ever really does, for that matter, this side of heaven}. Life does not begin after "I do." It has already begun & time is precious, sister! The world will tell you {sadly, some well meaning church sisters & brothers (& family) may express this, too (forgive em, they're just fellow human imperfection)} that you're an outsider, a paranormal freak show, you name it because of your relationship status & the fact that you're not clamoring after guys in order to become a plural over a single. I know you've heard it before {but it really is true}, God's got this whole thing already figured out. Stop fretting {easier said than done, I know, so try real hard}. He's good & knows what you need & the desires of your heart. In the end {& in the beginning, too} only He can fully satisfy your soul. Jesus is your completer, not some lovely, but fully flawed male creation. Just saying. Go, live your life, take the trips, write the books, plant the gardens, start the businesses, go on the mission trips, jump off the high dives, try, fail, & get up again, fall in love with Your completer & redeemer. Your life is already ticking, don't wait for a lover of your soul to come around - He already has & His name is Jesus. If God brings a guy into your life as you're out there imperfectly living it for Him, it'll be an unexpected blessing. If He doesn't {& either way}, He will be enough. There will be harder days when it doesn't seem fair & loneliness hangs heavy, but even then He is enough. Keep on going, single sister. There is adventure & love to be had in Christ. 

 So, I live this singular life, hoping/praying every once in a while, that a guy lurks {okay, hopefully not lurks} out there somewhere who will send me flowers & call me beautiful & hold my hand & heart & adventure this journey with me & who loves God first & me second. Only God knows who, when, where, how, & if. Come what may, I'm living, cause Christ is enough! 

 Love in the Singular, 
-Bess-

P.S.: This was originally posted on Bess' Bag {my main blog}.

“[Not] Officially An Old Maid”

There’s an early episode of the Mary Tyler Moore show, where Mary’s best friend Rhoda exclaims, “When I turned 21 & still wasn’t married my mother officially declared me an old maid. I think she had it notarized.” Sure, we can laugh at the outlandishness of this line in a retro sitcom, but in reality there is truth to the fact that age & singleness carries with it a bitter stigma, whether it’s by the world, our families, or even just ourselves as we feel our inner clock’s loud ticking {& all but forget about God’s mysterious perfect timing, I might add}. The more candles on the cake, the more it can feel like your single status is the ailment without a cure. Now, 21 is certainly not an age that should be worried about its marital status, because if there’s any truth to Rhoda’s quip then I must really be an old maid/decrepit spinster girl {cause I’m well past 21}. 

 Recently, in my own life, I had a true blue moment of my own that made me feel rather {okay, a lot} old maidish… I attended the wedding of my nephew. Yes, it’s true we’re only 4 years apart, which is closer in age than to either of my sisters {his mother is more than 10 years my senior}. But still, he is my nephew. It seems like there should be an order to the universe that lets the maiden aunt walk down the aisle before her nephew, but you know what? It’s not been in God’s plan for this aunt, & I’m truly opening my heart to the truth that His will – which encompasses all that He sees & knows {which is everything} – really is in my best interest. I can let go of my sinful selfishness & trust that Christ is my loving, fully satisfying, first love & all knowing Father that’s got it under control. It’s been a process & I definitely had to banish {& take captive (2 Corinthians 10:5)} some self-pitying thoughts along the way, but I can truly say that I fully enjoyed the beautiful wedding celebration of my nephew & his bride.

 Me, an old maid? I think not! I’m a daughter & servant of the King; a part of the bride of Christ! 

Love, 
-Bess-

Bridal Blog Party Day 3

Today's the last day of Meghan's blog party!

I clearly remember the day I wrote the letter to my future guy stating I had just had the unfortunate task of smashing a scary bug, & if only he'd been there he could have saved me & done the vanquishing himself.  That wasn't the first time I'd written to him... nope, there was a neat stack of letters - some sealed & I couldn't even remember what I'd wrote (I hope it wasn't too silly now).  
Yes, I've been known to stop by Hallmark near Valentine's Day {or sometimes when I just feel lonely} & meticulously pick out a card for him.  The cashiers must have thought I had some special mate, as I'd scour the little card pockets for well over the standard 3-10 minutes, & the way they'd ask for what seemed like the umpteenth time, "Do you need any help now?"  "No ma'am, I'm just picking out a card for my husband.  What type of man is he, you ask?  Oh, that might help with card selection, you say?  Uh, well, hmmm... I don't really know.  You see, ma'am, I haven't met him yet."  Awkward silence.  Crickets chirp {well, if they had crickets at Hallmark}.  Forced politeness - "No, ma'am, I'm not a mail order bride!"  Okay, so that conversation didn't really go down, but sometimes as the single girl, feeling so solo, you feel like the odd one out.  

Here's one of my carefully =) chosen cards that I plan to give my future husband on or near our wedding day.  It's blank & waiting for the day when I've got an engagement ring on my finger!

Here's my purity ring that reads, "I will remain faithful & true."  This promise is good for our Christian walk, single, & married life!  I've known some couples to exchange purity rings at their weddings.  I think it would be a beautiful token/symbol to give my husband my purity ring on our wedding night. 

A snippet from a letter to my {future} husband:

Dear ________________, {I always leave this blank so I can fill it in with his name later.  I wonder what his name is?  Do you ever wonder what name you will be saying over & over for as many years as God grants - & what your new last name will be?  Sorry, I just went on a ramble!}

I have been praying for you before we ever met.  Loving you, not knowing who you were, but knowing that I loved you still.  Missing you, when I didn't even know your name or the shade of your eyes.  Longing to hear your voice say my name & pray over us, knowing God brought us together & that my name sounds perfect on your lips.  Seeking & serving our first love, God, together...  I can't wait for the day when I am yours & you are mine.

Dreaming,

-Bess-

Cause I Love Jamie Grace {& What She Has to Say}

Love,

-Bess-

Cause We All Need To Laugh

I stumbled upon this video recently... I've searched around, but haven't found much else about this indie-style documentary. I wish I could see it, but for now it gives me a good laugh (Nothing like laughing at yourself, right?) & a bit of encouragement... It lets us "always single" girls know we aren't alone.

There is a secret sisterhood of the dateless, kissless, boyfriendless...  Are you a member, too? =)

Toodles,

-Bess-